he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Everclear isn't food dammit
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
