u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I believe in your delicious
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
