just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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