I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
