You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
