Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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