i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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