I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
