you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
