What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They took my balls.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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