So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
