If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
