I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
