Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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