Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
