either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
even my farts smell like vagina
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
