i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
