Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
