She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
