I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
