I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
