I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
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While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
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At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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