so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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