we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
