The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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