i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
is it fun? or sober?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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