All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
