I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
