I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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