So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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