ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
