3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
