Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
