Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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