Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
