nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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