Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
