I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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