i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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