I could have mohawked her pubes.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
