i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
