To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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