I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
