new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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