yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
