i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
