I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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