I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
