he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
