It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
