I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize