oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
