I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
