We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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