i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
