i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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