Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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