I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
