I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I seem to have left my pride at pride
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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