my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
