and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
