I have demons in me.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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