I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
