so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
