i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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