Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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