he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
