I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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