i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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